AS our cruise ship sailed down the long, beautiful channel out of Mahon, Menorca, the captain slowed as we passed a waterfront hotel and turned the loudspeakers to maximum.
"Ahoy there!" he shouted. "We're having twice the fun you're having, at half the price!" And just as he gave them a good blast on the ship's whistle to make his point, it started to rain.
He was right about the fun - our ship had bars, a spa, restaurants, a theatre, a nightclub, a huge area for youngsters and a casino.
And he was right about the price. The landlubbers were having to fork out for their meals, entertainment - they even had to pay to rent a sunbed on the beach.
Ours, everything from five-course feasts to a simple burger, were all included.
But best of all, while they were stuck in the same resort all week, we were visiting fabulous places like Barcelona, Monte Carlo, Rome and Florence.
Take advantage of your onboard facilities
→ Next Page: A Cheap Hotel Afloat
Cheap to Sail
A week around the Med on the ISLAND STAR, including your flights to and from Palma, starts at £419 - click on the "Book Travel" panel above to check - which works out at £59 a night.
Staying in a hotel might seem cheaper at first glance, but add on everything else you'll be paying for and your credit card could be heading for meltdown.
That's one reason why record numbers of Brits are choosing cruising - 1.55 million this year, up 14 per cent on last year - and a billion pounds worth of new ships have been launched in the last month alone.
Another reason is the weather. On the land, if it's bad you're stuck with it and your holiday's ruined.
But on a cruise, if it's raining at one port of call the chances are it will be beautifully sunny when you arrive at the next.
Getting there is half the fun, and even the drinks are cheaper onboard because they're tax free.
Take a dip in the sunshine onboard the Island Star
→ Next Page: Saving Money Aboard
Keeping Cash in Your Pocket
Choose a ship from one of the big American lines like Carnival or Royal Caribbean and it's better still - everything's priced in US dollars, even when they're cruising around the Med.
So when a new ship like INDEPENDENCE OF THE SEAS costs £400 million to build, how can they sell cruises for £100 a night?
The cruise line's profit doesn't come from the fare you pay - that just about covers the cost of the ship, the fuel and the fabulous food.
What puts the jam in their doughnut is booking an escorted tour, buying souvenir photos, drinks at the bars and making a donation to the roulette table.
It is possible to go the whole cruise without spending an extra penny - if you drink only the free tea or coffee, keep out of the casino and don't buy any shore excursions.
Not my idea of fun, but it's possible.
You don't even have to hide from the ship's photographers. Just because they take your picture doesn't mean you're obliged to buy the photo.
The magnificent Independence of the Seas
→ Next Page: You Don't Give Up Dry Land
Ship to Shore
And you can still go ashore for a free look around most of the ports of call.
At some - like Naples, Palma, Mahon and Nice in Europe, or St Thomas, Aruba, Cozumel and Nassau in the Caribbean - the ship parks just a short walk from the centre of town.
Others may mean taking a shuttle bus (usually, but not always, free) because the pier is further away.
But some docks - like Marseille - are, frankly, so distant and grimy that if you're not taking a tour it's best to stay onboard and relax.
At least you'll have no trouble finding a sunbed!
Palma is a favourite cruise port
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Getting There
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