New to Cruise Holidays

Your first time? Don’t be nervous...

By Steve Read

COOPED up on a ship, with nowhere to go and nothing to do apart from feeling seasick as you try to sleep in a poky, airless cabin which moves with every wave...

That’s what people who HAVEN’T been on a cruise might think.

But once you’ve been on one cruise, chances are you’ll book another – 80 per cent of first-timers do – and all those worries will have floated away.

There has never been such an exciting choice of ships and itineraries.

There are cruises for families, couples, singles and oldies. Party ships where the action never stops, and relaxing ones where you can spend your days doing nothing. Superliners so big you need a map to find your way around, and small ships which feel more like a private club.

On your cruise you can visit the scorching beaches of the Caribbean, the splendour of Europe’s cities or the breathtaking scenery of Alaska or the Norwegian Fjords.

And of course, there’s an endless supply of food, whether it’s a snack from the 24-hour buffet, a fun dinner in a speciality restaurant or an elegant five-course feast in a formal dining room.

The price is right...

THE most expensive cruises aren’t always the best, and the cheapest aren’t bound to be rubbish. So there’s no need to push the boat out.

Divide the cost by the number of days and you’ll get the price per night. That is usually a pretty good way of seeing what you can expect.

And remember that your fare will cover your accommodation, meals, entertainment – and the cost of getting you from place to beautiful place.

Home suite home...

CABINS are often called “staterooms” these days. All have en-suite facilities and are serviced daily.

Inside cabins are the cheapest and, usually, the smallest. Carefully-placed pictures and curtains conceal the fact that there’s no window – so no view.

Outside cabins will have either a porthole or a window. Best of all, if you can afford it, is to have a balcony where you can sit and watch the world sail past.

The more expensive cabins are usually higher up the ship, nearer to the open decks and the facilities.

And the best are called suites – bigger, nicer, and you might even get your own butler. You’ll pay for the privilege of feeling privileged, though!

If you're really worried about feeling seasick, try for a mid-ship cabin as low down as possible. You feel more pitching movement if you're at either end of the ship, and more rolling if you're high up.

Jolly sailors...

PARTY animals can find bars, karaoke nights, discos and comedians.

Mini-golf, rock-climbing walls, bowling alleys, ice rinks and surf simulators are the latest attractions – along with self-levelling snooker tables.

Shows can vary from “sequins and feathers” dancers to big-name entertainers and, if they're not available, tribute acts.

Quieter ships have quizzes, guest lecturers, dance classes and afternoon teas.

Most ships have a selection of shops – usually selling cruise line logo clothing, tax-free jewellery and duty frees.

Time to get packing...

THERE is no limit to the amount of luggage you can take onto a cruise ship – which is great if there’s no flying involved.

But if you're flying to your holiday don’t over-pack, and leave room for souvenirs. Some airlines will turn a blind eye if your bags are overweight on the way out ... but they will clobber you with excess baggage charges on the way back.

If your ship has formal nights, it doesn’t mean you have to bring a different outfit for each of them. There are no rules about wearing the same dress twice – and these days formal doesn’t mean ball gowns!

It might be several hours before your cases are delivered to your cabin – so pack your cozzie in your hand luggage and relax on deck.

Smokers beware – although you can now take your lighter on planes out of Britain, if you’re flying back from Barbados there are no lighters or matches allowed on the aircraft – and all cases are X-rayed to be certain. So don’t take your best Zippo!

...and think about parking

THERE is plenty of parking at the major UK ports of Southampton, Dover and Harwich, and your cruise line will tell you the options. It’s a short walk from car park to check-in.

If you're flying, book your parking well in advance to get the cheapest rates – and do check which terminal your plane returns to!

A floating hotel ... not yet!

WHEN your cruise begins in a faraway place like Miami, you will usually fly out a day early and have a night in a hotel. That’s just in case your flight is delayed – ships can’t wait.

There will be a shuttle bus from the hotel to the port – don’t miss it, or you will have to find your own way there!

Checking in

YOU will need your cruise documents, your passport and your credit card.

First of all, though, is a form to sign – you declare that you haven’t had any tummy trouble in the last couple of weeks. That’s to keep illness off the ship.

At the desk you’ll be issued with your Ship ID card – you will need it to get on and off the ship, and to charge your onboard purchases to your room – money is hardly used on board.

And now it’s time to walk up the gangway. Your cases will arrive later after they have been security scanned.

All aboard

WHENEVER you enter or leave the ship, your ID card goes into a machine and the security officer sees your mugshot. In addition to confirming it’s you, it also keeps count of who is onboard.

Your cabin might not be ready yet – the stewards have only a couple of hours to spruce it up after the last people – but the buffet will be open and it’s a good time to explore the ship.

It’s also the best time to book any hair appointments, spa treatments or other extras that you fancy, like the speciality restaurants.

Women and children first!

EVERYONE has to attend the emergency drill – there are no excuses.

When the alarm sounds – seven short and one long blast on the whistle – get your lifejacket from your cabin and go to the “muster station” indicated on your cabin door.

That’s where you would go in a real emergency. Some cruise lines do the drill out by the lifeboats, others hold it in inside rooms.

And yes, there are more than enough lifeboats for everyone!

Bleugh ... the motion of the ocean

ALL cruise ships have stabilisers – like underwater wings, which reduce side-to-side rolling, but there’s always a chance that you will feel a bit of movement.

Special wristbands and bracelets might help, and apparently sucking a bit of ginger can do the trick. The reception desk may have some free pills to hand out.

But if you’re feeling really rough, the ship’s doctor (every cruise ship has one, by law) will give you a quick jab which will cure you.

It’s all about the food!

MOST ships have a main restaurant with two fixed dining times – early and late sittings. Tables-for-two are rare – you're more likely to be steered towards a table for six or even eight.

If you don’t like your tablemates, don’t be embarrassed to find the restaurant manager – known as the maitre d’ – and see if you can change tables.

But there is a growing trend towards open dining, where you can turn up when you like and you're not forced to sit with strangers. At busy times this might mean having to wait.

Most of your food is included in the fare, although many ships now have speciality restaurants – often designed by celebrity chefs – where you have to pay a bit extra.

Land ho!

SHORE excursions – tours organised by the ship – are often the best way to see the ports of call, but you don’t have to go on them. For one thing, they can be quite expensive.

The big advantages of using a “shorex” are that you get a tour guide, all the transport is laid on, and if you’re late back to the ship it’s not a problem.

Go ashore on your own and it’s up to you to be back on time. If you're late, the ship won't wait and you will have to find your way to the next port – even if it is in a different country!

It’s worth doing a bit of research before your cruise – for instance, a shorex from Villefranche to Monte Carlo can cost upwards of €75. The train is only three or four Euros.

In some ports, if you're not on a tour then it’s hardly worth going ashore. Tunis, for example, is quite scary.

And at some destinations, the port is a fair way from the main attractions – your ship might be parked in an industrial dock.

Here’s a tip ... about tipping

I REMEMBER being chased along a corridor by a cabin steward who thought I'd forgotten to tip him. It was 20 years ago, mind you, and things have changed since then!

Arguments about the rights and wrongs of tipping have raged for years, and I’m not going back into them here.

Some ships will say your tips are included in the fare. Others charge you a compulsory “service fee”. But some still expect you to pop a bit of cash in an envelope on the last night and hand it to your cabin steward and restaurant waiter (which is why the buffet’s closed on the last night).

Your cruise line will tell you the drill, and how much is expected, when they send your tickets.

They think it’s all over...

UNLESS you're carrying your cases off by yourself, you will have to put them out for collection on the last night of your cruise – next time you see them will be ashore.

And that means thinking ahead – make sure you leave yourself something to wear the next morning.

They will also want you out of your cabin early – long before you disembark – so the stewards can get it ready, just as they did for you at the start of your cruise.

You will be given a colour-coded and numbered ticket. Wait in one of the lounges, or on deck, until you're called.

Getting hundreds – thousands, these days – of people off a ship in a short time is a masterly piece of organisation.

Patience is definitely required!